3/22/2023 0 Comments Thelma and louise loglineRewrite Advice – “Cut to the Chase” A Tip for Tightening: The boat trip is where things get a little drawn out (no pun intended) and the story slows down. As the ship sinks, Louis and Joachim escape, leaping into the stormy water and the three shadows appear on the sinking ship’s mast. The next day, Louis is framed for the murder (by the palm reader and the slave) and sent to the brig.Īll is Lost (& Whiff of Death): As a storm brews and tears the ship apart, Louis remembers witnessing the murder and thinks he brought the three shadows upon the boat (“I killed us all”). Half dreaming, Louis witnesses the act and thinks he sees the three shadows. How long can they keep running?īad Guys Close In: During the night, the palm reader and her two henchmen murder the slave trader (in revenge for injures he did to her). Louis assures Joachim they will return home “when it’s safe”, uncertain of when that will be. Mid-point: Bedding down for the night, Joachim asks Louis if they’ve beaten the shadows he wants to go home. Unintentionally, Louis makes enemies with the slave and the palm reader. On the boat, they meet a number of colorful characters: a nice elderly couple, a slave trader and the African slave he hopes to sell, the boatswain, the captain, a palm reader, etc. Hiding in the density of the forest, they run until they reach water and must take a boat. Lise cannot persuade him and lets him leave, praying they won’t lose their marriage as well as their son.įun n’ Games (Promise of the Premise): Louis takes Joachim in his arms and together they hope to outrun the shadows. But Louis refuses to listen, maintaining his willful ignorance, and chooses to run. No longer ignorant about their situation, Lise returns to Louis saying they should make the most of each moment they have left with Joachim. They have come for Joachim and they will succeed, there is no use fighting it, it is inevitable as fate. Wary, Louis begins their fight to protect Joachim by warning him to not go anywhere alone.ĭebate: Something must be done about the shadows, but what? Louis tries to guard the house, but there’s only so much he can do and with the shadows creeping nearer, even using the ghost of Diego to lure Joachim outside, Lise can’t sit back and wait.Ĭhoosing Act Two: One morning, Louis wakes up to find a note from Lise saying that “fear and anger won’t protect Joachim” so she has gone to town to see Mistress Pike, a seer, for advice.ī-Story: From Mistress Pike, Lise learns that the shadows are not people but rather, mystical “things”. No longer able to ignore their presence, Louis goes out to confront them but once he’s out there, the shadows seem to disappear into the fog. Fast-moving fog fills the air, the weather grows chilly and their family dog, Diego runs away.Ĭatalyst: Plus, the shadows are getting closer to the house, frightening Joachim and Lise. The next morning, their Eden-like land starts to get eerie as well. As they debate what to do, Louis shows his first signs of willful ignorance by logically assuming that the figures must be traveling passersby the family should just ignore their eerie presence. Set Up: One night, Joachim sees three shadowed figures on a nearby hillside. As a smiling family they work in the fields, skinny-dip in the pond and watch the sun set. Theme Stated: Isolated, safe and as the narration points out, “Ignorant of the world…and untroubled”, they and Lise (Joachim’s mother) live on an Eden-like spread of land. Opening Image: Louis and Joachim (father and son) plant a sapling in their orchard. PREMISE: Three Shadows follows a father and son as they try to escape from three shadowed figures and the certain death they will bring. For an explanation of each “beat” please refer to Blake Snyder’s Beat Sheet. Spoiler Warning! Below is the plot structure of Three Shadowsusing Blake Snyder’s Beat Sheet as the basis for the breakdown (see my review of Blake Snyder’s book Save the Cat, an excellent storytelling resource). Is “going the distance” always a good thing? … Typically, these stories encourage that their characters (and us readers) take the challenge and “go the distance.” But Three Shadows questions that mentality. Sometimes it takes trying to get something and failing in order to learn what’s truly important. They may not achieve that prize, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Whether it is a story about an underdog sports team ( Bad News Bears, Slap Shot, Rocky, Rudy), a person dealing with addiction ( Ray, Walk the Line) or a road trip ( Thelma & Louise, Lord of the Rings, Finding Nemo, The Odyssey), each story is about a character traveling from point A to a challenging point B whereupon they intend to earn a prize. How far would you go? That’s what journey stories are about.
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